God please this is my stupid-horrible wish from a horrible man. I want to, I beg You please turn back time like in the movie. I need You to send me four years before with my memory stay. Why? because I need to.
I need to throw away myself, I need to work myself out so I'm not weak like this. I'm need to hard to myself more harsh more harder so I'm not procasinating again. I need to learn play guitar until my finger bleeding, i need to write something and send my work to publisher instead playing dota until my eyes hurt it will be worthed. Honing my skill more and more. Create songs with melody in it not just words. Learn to drive car or ride motorcycle eventhough I will wreck or crash and hurt myself.
For one purpose if i can drive i can bring her anyplace she want. I can create songs for her playing guitar for her. with money from publisher I can treat her and she can proud of me because she with the guy who achiev his dream. When she weak and in trouble i can support her, protect her. But in reality I can't. "So I beg you a horrible wish from a horrible man, turnback time until 4 years before. I need it"
But I'm realise You won't do it even if i'm wishing it, I'm asking it to You again and again for 8 years for every years in the rest of my life. You won't do it for me "The Horrible Man".
So from now on I not procrasinating anymore, I will be hard to myself, I will talk to her with all sincerity and honesty more than I have. Cause I'm realise she the best thing in my life, The number 1 woman in my hearts. Even though people say she love man with money. I can get through this, I can be that man. maybe they say I'm fool. I will always be the same man who love the same woman.
It's my choice not your's.
I hope when the future me read this post again I will always remember the Sincerity and The determination I had when myself in the past wrote this post. The feeling.
I hope anyone who read post get there is no way God will turn back time for you or me.
